Thursday, February 8, 2007

withdrawal symptoms called "return of depression" by doctor

Honey, my daughter was having extreme crying spells, seemed so anxious, unable to fall asleep or stay asleep once she finally did, unable to concentrate or focus on simple tasks, poor appetite and strange and vivid dreams and nightmares. She also later described what we now feel were panic attacks- especially in loud, visually stimulating environments (school, shopping malls). Her symptoms were *different* than the inital symptoms she experienced that led us to medical help. Sure, the symptoms *could* have been considered depression (until one sees the larger picture)
So, still as naive as ever about SSRI antidepressants, we returned to the doctor who originally prescribed Zoloft. The doctor asked Honey (my daughters psuedo name for this blog) about her symptoms, when they "returned" and thought it a good idea to restart the antidepressant. Honey started at 25mg, (though was prescribed 50mg/day) took her first dose that evening and by the next morning her symptoms had improved drastically. The drastic change (for the better) in Honey's symptoms shook me a bit. Antidepressants generally take a few weeks to provide relief of symptoms and 12 hours later, my daughter seemed like a new person. It made me think of a drug user, desperately trying to get a fix and finally.... relief when more of their drug of choice is found. Was my daughter somehow addicted to Zoloft (it is non-addictive so the drug information says!)? Did her body somehow *need* this drug? That was when my search for information began.
Though the crying spells became less frequent and less dramatic once back on the Zoloft, many of the other symptoms remained and the panic attacks became more dramatic.
I started gaining information-- I started to understand that Honey's current symptoms were most likely related to withdrawal rather than "depression". I also started to understand more about the effects of SSRI's on the human brain, emotions and inhibitions.
I also found a someone who had so much experience helping people get off of these medications and go forward to live a "normal" life. Without her, I am not sure where my daughter Honey would be.... mostlikely taking a lot more antidepressants with symptoms only getting worse.
We are still in the midst of a nightmare, but now feel we have the support that our doctor failed to give.
We are working to prepare Honey physically, mentally and spiritually to begin withdrawaling from Zoloft. I wanted to have a place to document the "journey" -- maybe only to have a record for my daughter later on? or maybe someone else will be encouraged or benefitted by her experience. I dont know, but I do know that I felt compelled to write.
It is a hard road, as a parent, to travel. Many nights I would wake from nightmares of suicide. I would hurry to Honey's room, half expecting to find her hanging in her closet or some other nightmare-- always thankful to find her (peacefully?) asleep.
I read of many horror stories of teens on antidepressants full of violence and tragic endings. I cant find yet, a story of a teen no longer using antidepressants with a happy ending. I hope to have one to share. As for now, I know that the hardest might be ahead of us. I constantly think of how much I want to take this trial away from her and wear it on my back instead. What a way to start your life.... brain already scrambled by a drug that was supposed to "help".

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